help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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