He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
