I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
