Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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