I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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