What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She bit a glass in half.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize