I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
