Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize