throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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