When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
