This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
