I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
