I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
