When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
