i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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