I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
