butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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