Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
