just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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