filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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