How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
