Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize