I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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