Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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