she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my shit smells like andre
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize