allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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