Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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