Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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