she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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