i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
