Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize