Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
