So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
