apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
