K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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