I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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