omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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