lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
