my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
