It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
