you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
