So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
