is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize