I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
