Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
