11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
