i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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