Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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