I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
