5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
