apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
