how can u be prego again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
did i just pee glitter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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