eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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