Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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