So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
