dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
