I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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