i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
