idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
