I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
