..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
