pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
