chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
