You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
