Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
