I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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