the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
