yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
