I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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