He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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