I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
