As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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