Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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