he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
