"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I could fuck to npr.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
