He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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